My Daughter and I Have a ‘Code Word’ – What Happened Yesterday Is Why You Should Have One with Your Loved Ones Too

When I was a little girl, my mother taught me a secret trick to stay safe. She gave me a special word to use if I was ever in trouble but couldn’t say it directly. It was like a hidden message only she would understand. When I became a mother myself, I decided to teach the same thing to my daughter, Amy. I thought she might use it if she ever wanted to leave a sleepover or avoid an uncomfortable situation. I never expected she would need it so soon.

Yesterday seemed like a normal day. I was sitting in my kitchen, sipping my evening coffee, when my phone rang. It was my ex-husband, Dave. We used to have a good relationship, but over the years, things had become tense. Divorce does that sometimes. We tried to keep things peaceful for Amy’s sake, but it wasn’t always easy. “Hey, Claire,” Dave said in a hesitant voice. “Amy wants to talk to you. She’s been asking to tell you about her day since she got here.”

That surprised me. Amy usually loved spending weekends at her dad’s place and didn’t call me much during those visits. “Oh, sure. Put her on,” I said, trying to stay calm. But something felt off. Dave’s voice didn’t sound right, and I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling growing in my chest. When Amy spoke, she sounded cheerful, but there was something different in her tone. “Hi, Mom! I had a good day. We went to the park, and I drew some pictures. I made a dog, a tree, and… I wish I had a blue marker to draw blueberries.”

My heart stopped. Blueberries. That was our code word. I had taught Amy to use it if she ever felt unsafe but couldn’t say so out loud. It was our secret signal for “Come get me now.” I felt panic rise inside me, but I knew I had to stay calm. “That sounds great, sweetheart,” I said, keeping my voice steady. “I’m coming to get you, okay? Don’t say anything to your dad. I’ll talk to him when I get there.” I wanted to ask more questions, but I didn’t want to risk making things worse. The most important thing now was getting to Amy as fast as possible. Read More below

When I arrived at Dave’s house, I was expecting to see him, but instead, a woman I didn’t know opened the door. She looked at me suspiciously. “Can I help you?” she asked. “I’m here to pick up my daughter,” I said firmly. “Is Dave home?” She shook her head. “He just stepped out. Amy’s inside. Who are you?” “I’m Claire, Amy’s mom,” I replied, feeling irritated. “And you are?” “Lisa,” she said shortly. “Dave’s girlfriend. We live together now.” I felt a wave of shock. Dave never told me he had a girlfriend, let alone that she had moved in. But now wasn’t the time to argue. “Amy has an early doctor’s appointment tomorrow,” I lied, forcing a smile. “I forgot to tell Dave. I’ll just take her with me.” Lisa didn’t look convinced but didn’t stop me. I walked inside and saw Amy sitting on the couch, coloring. When she saw me, she smiled, but I could see the relief in her eyes. She didn’t say a word—she just stood up and followed me out.

As we drove away, I glanced at Amy. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” At first, she nodded, but then her face crumpled, and tears ran down her cheeks. “Mom,” she sobbed, “Lisa is mean to me when Dad isn’t around.” My hands tightened on the steering wheel. “What do you mean?” “She tells me I’m annoying. She says I shouldn’t be here. She told me that if I told Dad, he wouldn’t believe me because I’m just a kid.” My heart ached with anger. How dare this woman treat my daughter this way? “You did the right thing telling me,” I reassured her. “You never have to be around her if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to your dad.” Later that night, I called Dave. “Amy used our code word today,” I told him. “She wanted to leave because Lisa has been saying awful things to her.” There was silence before Dave finally spoke, his voice filled with guilt. “I had no idea. I’ll handle it.” After I hung up, I sat on the couch, exhausted but relieved. Amy had felt safe enough to use our code word, and that meant everything.

That night, I made a decision. Amy needed a phone. I had always been hesitant about giving her one too soon, but I realized it could be a lifeline. She wouldn’t have to wait for a phone call—she could just text me if she ever needed help. I knew technology had its downsides, but in this case, it felt necessary. As I sat there thinking, I also realized how important it was for other parents to have something similar in place. A code word gave Amy a way to reach out without feeling scared or helpless.

For any parent considering a secret code, here are a few things to remember. First, choose a word that won’t come up in everyday conversation, so there are no false alarms. Avoid common words like “school” or “birthday.” Second, if your child is older, a short phrase might work even better—something unusual but easy to remember, like “dancing penguin” or “blue apple.” Third, practice using the code word in different situations so your child knows exactly when and how to use it. Make sure they feel confident and comfortable with it.

This experience showed me how a simple plan could make a huge difference. I hope our story inspires other parents to create a code word with their kids. It might be the one thing that keeps them safe in a tough situation.