Vin Diesel admits that he tested positive for…See More

In a move that shocked Hollywood and the tech world alike, action superstar Vin Diesel was just announced as the CEO and majority stakeholder of Neon Motors, a cutting-edge electric vehicle startup poised to rival Tesla and Rivian. The announcement came during a high-energy press event at Neon’s headquarters in Los Angeles, where Diesel rolled onto the stage in a prototype of their flagship vehicle—a sleek, high-performance electric muscle car dubbed The Dom Toretto Edition.

“This isn’t just about cars—it’s about family,” Diesel declared, echoing his famous Fast & Furious catchphrase. He revealed that he’s been secretly working with engineers and designers for over three years to develop a line of EVs that combine sustainability with the raw power his fans expect. The first models, set to debut next year, will feature AI-assisted driving modes named after Fast characters, including “Letty’s Aggressive Mode” and “Hobbs’ Towing Power.”

Industry analysts were stunned by the ambitious specs: 0-60 mph in 1.9 seconds, a 500-mile range, and a patented “Grudge Match Mode” for track racing. But Diesel’s vision extends beyond performance. “We’re building cars that don’t just reduce emissions—they dominate the competition,” he said, flanked by co-founders from SpaceX and former Tesla engineers. Early renderings show vehicles with customizable engine roars (including Diesel’s own voice growling “Ride or die”) and interiors modeled after Fast movie sets.

Reactions exploded online, with Dwayne Johnson tweeting, “Finally, a CEO who understands the importance of bald guys in tanks.” Meanwhile, Elon Musk simply posted a GIF of Dom Toretto chugging a Corona with the caption “Welcome to the party.” Pre-orders open next month, with Diesel promising that every car will come with a free replica of his character’s signature cross necklace. One thing’s certain: The electric vehicle race just got a whole lot faster—and a whole lot more Diesel.