2. The Humorous / Satirical Version
These are the consequences of sleeping with a fan of obscure indie bands.
You will wake up not to an alarm, but to the sound of a theremin and a man whispering poetry over a detuned ukulele. Your Spotify “Liked Songs” will be mysteriously populated with bands whose names are unpronounceable symbols. You will be quizzed on your “authentic, pre-mainstream” feelings about a song you heard once, half-asleep. The consequence is a slow, insidious erosion of your own musical identity, replaced by the smug satisfaction of liking something “before it was cool,” even though, in your heart, you still just want to listen to Beyoncé.

3. The Cautionary / Urban Fantasy Version
These are the consequences of sleeping with a Fae.
They never tell you about the small print in the contract of skin and sigh. You think you’ve had a night of passion, but you’ve given consent to so much more. A part of your true name now belongs to them. You can no longer eat food you’ve cooked yourself without tasting ash. Your reflection in the mirror sometimes winks at you with their eyes. The consequence is a binding, one-sided deal. You are now a story in their court, a prized pet, a momentary amusement. And when they grow bored, they don’t just leave; they take a piece of your mortal life with them, leaving you forever half-there, yearning for a glamour you can never again possess.

4. The Relatable / Modern Dating Version
These are the consequences of sleeping with a hopeless romantic after a situationship.
They don’t just spend the night; they mentally move in. That casual coffee you suggested is now a “date” in their carefully curated calendar. Your simple